FEET!!!!

Based on the photo you see, you probably have a good idea what this post is about.

Lately I have had some other activities going on in my life and have neglected my blog. I apologize! At any rate, I've been racking my brain to come up with some great topics to post about. I have noticed that my posts about the "rockabilly scene" often get the most hits, so that was something to touch on again. Today, I thought I'd have lunch and start my post, but THEN, as I wait for my salad a woman walks in to pick up her take-out, with horribly dry cracked heels. ACKKK!!! That's when I knew I had to make a plea to all of you out there that neglect your feet. You are human, you should not have hooves!!!!

Okay, lemme just tell you that dry, gross, cracked feet are not only extremely disgusting, but a major pet peeve of mine. I don't like feet to begin with, so this is thee worst! I just don't understand how people don't see how gross that is! And they are the ones that are always walking around in fucking sandals!!!

This isn't my usual "how to" post, because once someone allows their feet to get this bad, there is nothing I can do...they need a professional! I have (because I'm extremely curious and not afraid to ask) asked people whats going on with their dry ass feet. Why not get a pedicure and do some at home up keep? They always respond, "I can't go in for a pedicure, it's embarrassing!", and walking around town in flip flops isn't?! Man, swallow your pride and get it done!!! If you are reeeeally that self conscious about going to the little Asian lady down the street (who will no doubt talk shit about your nasty feet, in Korean, to all the other little gals there) why not head down to your local beauty supply or even Target and get a good deep penetrating foot balm and a heavy duty pumice stone and work all that shit down a bit?

I personally don't get pro pedicures, it's a waste of money. Every time I've gone, they never do a great job and not only does it piss me off, but I'm afraid of getting infections and fungi. Besides, its kinda therapeutic for me to do my own mani/pedi at home. Yes, I'll admit that I SUCK at the polishing part, but I figure it out. Anyway, I guess I'm lucky because I don't get all that callusy grossness and hardly ever have to pumice my feet, but none the less, I still scrub them and lotion them!

Listen, if you have gross feet, take care of it, or at lease wear sneakers or something! If you have heels like the person in the picture above and you are afraid to go to a professional (I really don't even know if they cando anything for you, you might have to see a Podiatrist), then here are a few things that you can purchase and use to help the situation out. I said this wasn't a "how to", but I can't help it. Keep in mind, once you get this under control, spend the $50 and go to a really good salon and get an extensive pedicure. Take care of it, then do the up keep with these supplies and no one will ever throw up on your feet again!

TWEEZERMAN Sole Mate Pedicure Tool $20
This is a cool little invention. The "cheese grader" part is used to grade off all that dead skin and it's all contained inside like a pencil sharperner, so there's no mess! The metal part is a file to use as well. This is what you want to use to get all that rough stuff off.

TWEEZERMAN Pedicure Solutions $50

This little kit comes with all you will need to fix your feet and all the up keep. Toenail clippers, cuticle nippers, files, cuticle pusher, callus stone, wooden pedi sticks and a case. So you'll clip your nails, clip any hang nails, push back your cuticles and sand down any calluses.
BLISS Softening Socks $48

These socks are the Cadillac of socks. The have a moisure gel pad inside that delivers all this great stuff to hydrate and soften your feet and calluses. They're good for like 50 uses. Keep in mind newbies, you can pretty much get the same results (for less) by using a great moisture balm and regular socks. The best time to do this is before bed and wear the socks over night.

BLISS Foot Patrol $18
This is just an example of a exfoliating and softening cream. You can get this and wear your own socks at night. You can also moisturize with it after you shower in the morning. The key point is to moisturize constantly, that is whats going to help.

Alright nasty foot people, get to work!!!!! NO SANDALS until you have human feet again!!!

All products available at www.sephora.com

A Week Away From My Birthday

Now that my birthday is only one week away, I'm starting to think about how one year older is going to feel. When I entered into my 30s it was the worst feeling ever! I have never been able to see myself as anything other than old (oh and chubby, but that's another post). I think now as time progresses, I'm starting to get comfortable with my age. Which is a good thing, but also bad, because now that I've accepted my 30s, in the blink of an eye I'll be looking down the barrel of 40!!! Let's not get ahead of ourselves...so I haven't changed any regimens or anything. I think I take care of my skin less as well as I used to in my 20s. I still wash and exfoliate and use a wash with salicylic acid and benzoil peroxide and I still use SPF everyday, but I'm not using body lotion as much, and spreading out my usage of eye and neck cream. I hardly ever use hand cream and that's become a huge fear of mine...old lady veiny hands! Maybe I'm subconsciously rebelling. I don't want to become a slave to age! As it is everyone that meets me never believes how old I am. You should see the reaction when someone (guy or girl) finds out. rather a bit dramatic it tends to be. I guess its because I don't feel old, I don't "act" it, I haven't any children to wear me down to old lady town, so maybe that's it. At any rate, I was thinking about myself and then about others my age. I thought about celebrity women that are in my age group, and I think I'm pretty damned good company! See for your self....

ANGELINA JOLIE

ALI LARTER

AMBER VALETTA

DREW BARRYMORE

CHARLIZE THERON

DIANE KRUGER

EVA LONGORIA PARKER

KATE WINSLET

LIV TYLER

EVA MENDES

MILA JOVOVICH

PENELOPE CRUZ

REESE WITHERSPOON

SARAH MICHELLE GELLER

SHAKIRA

PAZ VEGA

VICTORIA BECKHAM

So I think, after looking at these women and realizing that they have tons of money to keep them looking this good (even the ones with kids and husbands), I'm not half bad for just being your average bitch on the block. I guess I should be happy that I'm holding up well, now if I could only motivate my fat ass to get in the gym! Oy!

Panties 101

As odd as it may seem, there are woman out there that have no clue when it comes to panties. Some women just don't know that there are different styles for different clothing and activities. Buying the right ones, and avoiding unsightly panty lines, is one of the most important things a woman can learn to do. Keep in mind, even if you do not wear panties, I know that there are certain times when you do or have to, so you should still read this. This entry is going to give you the basics of all types of panties and how to avoid panty lines, so there will be no excuses in the future.

PANTIES 101

G-STRING: Offers the minimal amount of coverage and can be found with even less coverage in front. A g-string is for someone who likes absolute minimal coverage and an almost not there feeling. These are very common as a lot of women find them most comfortable. They are also a good option when wearing anything form-fitting.

THONG: Offers a bit more coverage than a g-string, particularly along the sides and in back. The thong came out before the g-string and was available for minimal coverage for form-fitting clothing. Not always as comfortable depending on the fabric it is made of.

CHEEKY or LOW-RISE BRIEF: Similar to a brief but with less coverage in the rear and cut lower in front. Similar to a bikini with a little more coverage. For someone who shys away from "granny panties", but still would like the more coverage than a bikini offers.

BIKINI: A lower cut version of a brief. Higher cut in back along the leg and much lower in the front. The bikini is a very common option next to the g-string. It's what I like to call "a happy medium". Comfortable under all clothing with just enough coverage.

BRIEF: (below)This example is more of a "modern brief". A high waistline, wider along the sides and full coverage in the rear. A "common brief" usually has more coverage along the sides and the waist ends just bellow the belly button. The brief now is commonly known as "granny panties", due to the full coverage. These are built to hold it all in place and cover it at the same time.

HIP-HUGGER or HIPSTER: Fits similar to a bikini, but the sides are wider and drops lower on the hip. Can also be found to have a lower rise, but always sits on the hip. The hipster are for someone that prefers not to have the narrow strap along the side. It's a little sportier and offers more coverage than a bikini.

BOYSHORT: Fits similar to shorts. Same rise as a bikini, but wide along the sides and the legs drop down to high inner thigh. Usually determined by the drop rather than the rise, as they can come very low on top. Boyshorts are definitely a sporty option. They cover more along the bottom than a brief, but still have a lower waist for low-rise clothing.

Now that we are all aware of the different types of panties that are available to us and their fit, now lets talk about when each should be worn for proper fit under our clothing.

I don't know about you, but I am deathly afraid of panty lines. I see so many women out there with bubble butts and muffin tops partially due to their lack of knowledge about undergarments (bras are a whole other topic). So many of them go for comfort before looks, and they need to know they can have both! Every woman out there has a different body from the other. Some have flat tummies, but a little extra grabbin' on the sides. Some have flat butts, big butts, poochy bellies, etcetera. You need to look at yourself and decide what your "problem area" may be and from there determine which panty would be the best worn under your clothes. Now some of you may be thinking that if you are a size 14 you should stick to briefs, which isn't always true. I have seen woman that are larger and are solid, they can wear a thong and not get the bulge along the side from the strap. Just as I have seen size 2 woman out there that would be better off wearing a brief to avoid the 'cut line" they get along the sides from a g-string. You need to be your own judge.

HOW TO AVOID PANTY LINES

SKIN TONE: When you are picking out your outfit, you not only need to think about what you are wearing, but the under garments you will wear as well. If you are wearing light colored clothing, your best option is always nude or skin tone panties. If you are wearing white, white panties may seem like the right option, but you can still see them. I never buy white panties. I always say "when in doubt, always go for nude!"

THONG or G-STRING: These give you a bit of coverage if you prefer not to go without and are the least likely to give you unsightly lines along your buns. Just remember, if you are in need of a little firming up, if you wear a thong, you will jiggle quite a bit in loose fitting clothing like a satin dress or linen pants.

MICROFIBER: There are so many new panties out made of this fabric. You can find any style and just about any color. Some have flat seams and some are a little thicker and have no seams at all. Do keep in mind that if you are wearing something really tight, you still may see a bit of a line, so always check your back side before you leave the house.

HIPSTER: Lace hipsters are my fave for wearing under tight pants or under dresses. They lay virtually flat and are comfortable, sexy, and cover enough to keep you from jiggling too much.

BODY SHAPERS: These guys come in all different fabrics, with or without lace, seams and no seams, long or short, one whole piece with a bra, slip style or shorts, etcetera. You can also find them in black, nude, or white (not a good choice). I highly recommend trying them on before you buy, they all fit differently and usually come in S/M/L or bra size. You want a smooth fit, that's the whole point behind them. Sometimes women buy them too small or too tight and the end up with bulges. If you buy the shorts (like in the picture), you don't want your thighs bulging at the knees and you don't want your belly pouring over the top elastic. Be very careful!

NUDE: If all else fails and you feel that you aren't going to giggle all over, and your outfit isn't partially see-through, then go without! Sorry, no photo, I didn't find it necessary. Ha!

SOME OTHER WEIRD OPTIONS

COMMANDO'S: This little cotton disposable patch sticks to the crotch or "curved seam" of your jeans or pants. It allows you to go underwear free in with comfort and protects your clothing at the same time. They are offered in regular cotton fleece for your pants and jeans, soft cotton fleece for your knits and delicates, and also organic cotton! You can get a pack of 4 mix and match for $10 on up to 50 for $72.50. http://www.gocommandos.com/

C-STRING: A "C" shaped panty that is made to fit like a strapless g-string. It has a flexible inner frame that hugs the body and apparently fits comfortably. They can be worn as panties or purchased with a top to wear as a "C-kini". Hmmm... http://www.cstringbikinis.com/

STRAPLESS PANTY: These little gems are just like a panty, but instead of having a strap to hold them up (and cut into your hips) they have adhesive that holds them on. Just like the strapless/backless bras you see. They are made to hold on for up to 6 hours and come in black, nude and red. http://www.shibuecouture.com/

Glad you made it through, this was kinda a class, but I hope you learned something and will never have to worry about your ass looking silly in public again!

People Never Cease To Amaze Me

People NEVER cease to amaze me. I personally have always been one that never followed conventionalism, or as my 7th grade teacher described, I "followed the beat of my own drum". Maybe it stems from my artistic genes that I love fashion and things from the WWII/Depression era, or maybe I'm an old soul. I don't know why it is that I prefer clothing that stands out, just a bit, from everything else around me. I have no clue as to why my mouth and my thoughts come out the way they do. Some say I "don't have a sensor", which is only true with things of curiosity. I will say and do things the average bear won't, but it all kinda makes sense when you know me. Do you think these people make sense even to themselves??? Here are some photos I found of people in strange situations. Enjoy!!!

Parliament cig pack earring, check! Red and purple "Coke Head" necklace, check! Purple bra & red jumper, check! Purple and red Taco Bell cup to carry around my ID and amazing lipstick, check! Ready!

"I like how most Manhattan cabbies still won’t stop for Brooklyn fares or black guys under 40, but screech across five lanes of traffic to pick up hungover club kids in the kind of heat that leaves an inch-thick film of crotch sweat and body glitter when they peel their bare asses off the vinyl seating." Hilarious!!!

What is it about blonde girls that they all think that to be cool they have to look like this? And what I mean by "this" is EXACTLY like this! There is no telling the difference! They do their hair the same, their makeup, their fake tits are the same size, they buy the exact same clothes, and all have the same lame ass star tattoos. Go back to Huntington Beach, we don't want you here!!!

Okay this is freakin AWESOME!!! George Clinton meets Grizzly Adams at Lilith Fair!

Dude, this is totally unnecessary! I don't care what you look like, or how hot it is! People could be eating at this joint! No one wants to see your ass when they're having lunch, period!!!

"Don’t own an earth-toned BabyBjörn and expect not to get searched at the airport, Cheech. I can smell your dank nuggets from a mile away." I love it!!!!

MAN! I've seen fat people before, but what the eff is going on here??? Are those man boobs or just a belly??? I'm diggin the shants though! (wink)

Katy Perry's long lost tranny brother! Style runs in the fam. Hahahahahahahahaha!

I LOVE IT!!!! This has nothing to do with weird or fashion, I just love the pic, granted he's not trying to toss her off ... just "tossing her off!" y'know what I mean?! Hahahahahahaha!!!

I dunno what to say. I just keep seeing him at a Vegas buffet...with his lucky hat and Yanni on the disc-man.

I'm definitely NOT homophobic, but WHAT IS THIS????? They must be in the Mid-West because if they were in San Fran or NYC, some tranny would have shown them how to properly dress by now. Ummm, but how'd a Filipino "little person" get in the Mid-West???? Scarier than that dudes eyeliner!

Dressed for dinner, but what about those ashy knees?!!! He should really think about carrying lotion in his little side pack for times like these, how embarrassing!

"You know you've finally hit your stride when you can look back on the hateful nonsense you let yourself get consumed by in your teens and laugh about all the pussy it cost you."

It’s one thing to parade around in a beehive wig and stilettos looking like a character in a Broadway show, but a man in Barnes & Noble scouting for his next great read in a pair of sensible heels? Now that’s awesome. The bad news, I keep seeing Vinnie Jones when I look at him and it's making me sad. Vinnie in sensible heels? I guess if he did he would now wouldn't he?

"What’s the point of being ethnically “other” if you can’t rub that otherness all up in white society’s face? There’s a reason loud-ass black girls with Angela Davis fros are so beloved and it goes extra-double for Indian Beatle-mummies who practice law." Beatle-mummy...I'm dying!!

Here we are back in Vegas, but this chick is just at a costume shop dreaming of the day when she'll be a showgirl. That headdress really looks good on her.

Now you know that Tran really isn't JUST your Dad's assistant. Sorry to break the news.

Matt Rascoe year 2040...he finally mastered his dream stache!

She can totally wear that 80's punk/hip hop mix. She even left her Spanx at home just to keep it extra real!

This is just freakin awesome! This guy looks like he's been around the world a few times spending his money on the local hallucinogenics (rather than clothing), but he's still aware enough to know that his dogs are barking, so what's more comfortable than big ass pieces of foam for shoes?! Rad!!!

Despite the fact that this lady is completely off her rocker, I find it sweet that she takes her birds all over with her. It's kinda cool how crazy people come up with shit like a rope stroller for their pets. She looks like she coulda been sane at one time, maybe back in the 70's judging by her steez.

"Quilted jackets are for women who hate their own asses, crimping your hair is for white girls who wish they were “ethnic,” bell bottoms are for people who think their lives would be better if they’d been born in the past, and purple, of course, is the royal color of the sexually frustrated. So basically you’re a walking billboard of your own self- loathing AND you look like shit. Nice one."


"This is what the IT guy at your office wears under his casual-Friday “No, I can’t fix your computer today” t-shirt. Yes, Tim, I agree that the last Staind record was underrated." Are you scared??? I'm confused too!!!

Courtney Kittner year 2040. NEVER let go of your youth!